When I hear about celebrity couples breaking up, I?m reminded how difficult it is to keep any relationship going.? This morning there was a picture of Heidi Klum in some Yahoo! article, sitting in a bikini on a beach.? Klum is one of the ?all-time most beautiful women? in the world, with a sparkling personality, pleasant disposition, hard work ethic, easy social skills, and radiant smile.? Yet,?at some point, she apparently became insufficiently attractive to her partner.? And this made me think:
It is rare to find someone who can be attractive to you for many years.? It is probably more rare to be someone who can find another person genuinely attractive for many years.? And to find two people who can maintain sufficient gravity and chemistry with each other -?is probably even more rare.
Often I hear people lamenting about how many marriages don?t last ? ?over 50 percent? ? whether or not the figure is accurate.? Conversely, I?m surprised that maybe over 40% of marriages endure.? Those seem longer odds.
My personal problem (if you want to call it that) has not been ?falling out of love,? but rather the opposite.??But I?ve been fortunate?to have?had companions?with so many rare and good qualities that it would be difficult for almost anyone to fall out of love with them.? So, I don?t think my personal experiences mirror most others? experiences?- but I don?t know.? The women I?ve loved have, above all, been very socially intelligent ? the smartest people I?ve known well ? not that I know very many people well.
But then I hear about someone falling out of love with a person who I consider to be very socially attractive, and I get confused.? How could they have fallen out of love with such a gifted and quality?person???Since I was a child, and I could form thoughts, I?ve wondered about these questions.? Knowing my mother as long and as well as I do, I could never understand how my father fell out of love with her ? a mystery my biased heart probably?will never figure out.? I can only conclude my father must have been a fool in matters of love and relationships.? That?s the only way I can understand their history.? But what do I know?? Well, I know my mother was as worthy, as attractive, as intelligent, and as full of potential as any person I?ve known.? But often,?that is not enough.
What would my father think if he were asked these questions?? I think he might agree with me.? Or at least, he would not argue with me.? Instead, he?d probably hand me a Kleenex to?dry my tears.
There are some people who appear to have little emotional heartache when a romantic relationship breaks up.? The book review I?m publishing tomorrow is about a book where the main character?asserts he did not go through much emotional sorrow or turmoil?when his long-term romantic relationship ended ? an interesting opposite to someone like me.? I?ve had people advise me to just ?move on,? and I do, but I also choose to feel and remember the lost connections. lost potentials.
To be a member of a long-term relationship -?it?s never within your control.? And it?s not enough to be genuinely attractive.? And it?s not enough to be a person who can stay in love with another person for a long time.? Even more is needed, and many diverse stars must?keep re-aligning.
This is part of the reason we genuinely clap when lengthy anniversaries are announced.? We congratulate the couple with some respect and admiration not only?because they proved to be well-matched or worked hard together for a long time, but also because we know that in almost all such cases, great conflicts have been overcome, and often, almost assuredly,?great mistakes have been addressed or forgiven.
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The new artwork atop this post is by Andreas ?verland.? ? All rights reserved by Andreas ?verland.
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Tomorrow:? A review of the book ?Paying For It.?? The?following post will be about ?Joys Of Being A Part Of A Clever And Courteous Relationship.?
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